My Father was verbally abusive, which caused me a lot of anxiety and stress as a child and later on, as an adult, manifested into general anxiety. Those words hurt and had lasting impact, but blaming him for how he made me feel when I was an adult, one who has options, that’s External Locus of Control — Letting the actions of others dictate how you feel and react/ Blaming outside forces for my circumstances.
I understand now that there are steps I could have taken to avoid feeling that way, such as setting boundaries which I eventually implemented and then stuck to until his death.
Years later, I had a partner who shared similar narcissistic characteristics as my Father, something I recognized but only after blaming her actions and how they made me feel. I recognized that it’s not the responsibility of others to manage our emotions, it’s our own.